Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
