ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize