She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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