Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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