I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
