his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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