a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I believe in your delicious
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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