How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
