ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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