And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
