he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
