so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
