I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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