Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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