So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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