can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
