shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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