I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
