It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
