I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
