i think my tv is drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
