Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
