Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We just shotgunned beers for America
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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