Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
handjob tips. give me some.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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