Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
