I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
