can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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