you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
