Cold hands, warm shart.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
