3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
