Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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