P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
