Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
