my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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