Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
