no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
