The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
