Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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