a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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