Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
