This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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