i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
