Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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