I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i am craving dick and cupcakes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
