Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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