I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
