I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
