I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
