I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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