i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
