somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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