I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
