I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
