If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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