There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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