then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
