..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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