I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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