Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
