I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
