We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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