So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
