I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
