Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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