i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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