Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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