She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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