Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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