How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
