Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
