you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
