walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
