I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
