I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
