I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
