are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize