After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize