grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
