i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
