He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
