I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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