guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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