6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
