i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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