I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The adults are the big ones right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
